Random rant

The Scream by Edvard Munch

want no waiting

upended disheveled

uncomfortably stable

impatient reticent

spoiled spyglass

depressed delirium

anxious anomaly

guilty guess work

loathing locked in

The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

I love this painting – Marc Chagall‘s Waiting.  The painting is owned by the Speed Art Museum in Louisville, KY.  Several years ago my friend and I were admiring the painting and she indicated this was one of her favorites.  I have to admit at that time I didn’t have a favorite Chagall and I had never read anything about his work.  My great friend moved away and I miss having her and her observations on art.  I remembered some of the painting, but couldn’t recall the title so I emailed her and she found it!  I don’t know why, but her finding the painting and knowing the title made a big difference to me.  I think it makes me feel like my friend is closer – not all the way in Texas.  Here’s to Candyce!

For some reason my mind works in strange and mysterious ways and after she emailed me the title of the painting the song The Waiting by Tom Petty came to mind and would not leave.  I have this type of thing happen all the time.  I will be thinking about something without even knowing it and will realize a song lodged in my head and sure enough the song has something to do with some current circumstance I’m going through.

Right now I think I am in a season of waiting.  Waiting and wondering what it is I’m supposed to do.

Let’s listen to Tom Petty for a spell.  Okay – that’s better.

Now for some history on Marc Chagall and this beautifully, unusual painting:

As many of you may know, Chagall used many symbols in his paintings.  Many of his works have roosters which symbolized fertility; as many of his paintings were about or pertaining to lovers.  Marc Chagall was a Russian painter whose work stretched many different mediums.  Chagall created works in nearly every artistic medium, including painting, book illustrations, stained glass, stage sets, ceramic, tapestries and fine art prints.  Here is a list of symbols and their supposed meanings.  Take what you want from this, but it’s kind of fun to look at his paintings with the symbol meanings close at hand.

• Cow: life par excellence – milk, meat, leather, horn, power.
• Tree: another symbol of life.
• Rooster: fertility, often painted together with lovers.
• Bosom: fertility of life – Chagall had great respect for Women and it is shown in his art.
• Fiddler: In Chagall’s village Vitebsk the fiddler made music at major events such as weddings and holidays.
• Herring – a flying fish: Commemorates Chagall’s father who worked in a fish factory.
• Pendulum Clock: time, and modest life.
• Candlestick: two candles symbolize the Shabbat and the life of devout Jews.
• Windows: Chagall’s Love of Freedom.
• Houses of Vitebsk: Feelings for his homeland as most of these paintings were done during his years in Paris.
• Scenes of the Circus: Creativity and Joy.
• Horses: Freedom.
• The Eiffel Tower: Up in the sky, another symbolic metaphor for freedom.

Candyce is still in Texas, but thanks to Chagall’s Waiting, we have been brought a little closer.  It’s true what Tom Petty says in his song, “the waiting is the hardest part.”  We will once again stroll through an art museum together, but for now we will have to be patient and use the technology at our fingertips.  We can share art online perhaps and, of course, wait.

Until next time.  Be patient and please wait.

10 Things I learned in 2012

Here are a few things I learned in 2012.  There, is, of course, more, but I don’t want to bore you:

1. Control Top pantyhose sucked when I was 20 and they suck now.
2. Christmas is not as fun as an adult.
3. Some levels in Angry Birds are unattainable.
4. You can get stuck in a Spanx.  (in a fitting room it is very scary)
5. Tim Tebow is under-appreciated.
6. Having two, male Boston terriers is a bad idea.
7. It’s not a good idea to do anything after taking an Ambien. (some of the toys your children received for Christmas can be fun to play with after you take it, but try not to)
8. Guns and Roses rock!  No question.
9. You never know someone’s circumstances.  Consider that in 2013 when you see misbehaved children or someone tailgating.  Be easy on yourself and others.
10. No matter how “cookie cutter” people seem they are all different and all have problems – even if they seem or look like they don’t.

Happy New Year!

lucygracesmom

Christmas angst!

Christmas lights – why did I think I needed so many?

extension cords – why can’t I use them and hide the cords effectively?

clueless people – why can’t I tolerate them?

holiday when people with no taste choose to decorate – ditto

holiday inflatables – ditto

pocket knife – what I’d like to do to the inflatables

rose-colored glasses – what everyone’s wearing this season

glass half full – filled to the rim!

men – need I say more?

Fall Asleep in His Arms

As I lay awake

With my head on the pillow

I recount the day and think

about people I know and

have known.  I think about

my many blessings and

how time seals the gap

how it heals the hole

in your middle.

Feeling helpless is a result

of loving so much – the fear

of losing so much.

Pray instead.  Fall asleep in His arms.

As I said in a prior post, thoughts have been swirling around me and the people appear to be acrobats dangling by a thread.  Maybe it’s just me getting older and worrying more about things, but every day brings a new challenge and something else to pray about.  I don’t think there’s been a night this week I haven’t gone to bed “in God‘s arms.”  Falling asleep praying is something I used to feel guilty about, but have since realized we are just tucked safely in His arms.  I wish I could tuck each and every person I’ve heard about over the past several weeks safely in God’s arms, but it is not to be.  Prayer will have to do.

It seems as though terrible tragedies like the storm on the East coast and other people near and far I have encountered seem to be living with serious health problems. I wish I could reach out to each and every person and give just an ounce of encouragement.  I must sit back, as we all do, and leave it to God.  It’s difficult to send your children to school in a world of such uncertainty.  Nothing is certain though is it?

Countdown to Meltdown

mindless mind trip

running, spinning

out of control

mind mess

need less excess

panicking, sputtering

no body knows

where it will

stop and where

it will go

mind on a free fall

bending, breaking

doing all of this

has my body shaking

mind mush

Meltdown

Living Scared

He was alright when I left.

It only happened once.

That’s the diagnosis.

It’s a sickness – a disease

They seem to kick the habit

but it keeps on coming back

It’s a horror.  It’s a sickness

It’s a shame to be so weak.

I have been in deep reflection over the past couple of weeks over several topics.  There are a number of people in trouble swirling around me and they seem to be dangling by a thread.  Let me start by saying I have always been easy to talk to so I have been a sounding board for all types of issues.  Maybe one reason is it’s so easy to get in touch these days with the different types of social media.

Let me first say this topic disgusts me, but I see how some people can make choices and get themselves into situations that are very dangerous.  The choices seem to multiply and before long there seems to be no way out.  I am here to tell you there is a way out.  You may be too proud to admit it but are you or someone close to you living scared?

So let me be blunt.  What is it about men hitting women and pushing them around?  In the last couple of weeks I have been educated on this issue through a girlfriend of an old friend.  It’s a long story, but when women are more concerned about men cheating on them than them hitting them in the face something is desperately wrong.

I am ashamed to admit staying in relationships due to circumstances and maybe this is no different, but this woman is a self-sufficient woman who owns her own home.  He is essentially living there.  No more than a guest.  She’s contemplating marriage if you can believe it.  But she wants to make double sure he’s not cheating on her.  She doesn’t want advice on the hitting part, just if he’s been “hitting on” anyone else.  Couldn’t resist the inappropriate pun.  Can you weigh in on this?  I know she’s not the only one going through this in the world.  What is this behavior about and how do people get to this point?

I decided to “opt out” of the situation and not be involved, even as a sounding board for the woman.  Did I make the right decision?  I did make myself clear the real issue is the violence not the cheating.  How does this story make you feel?

do I need an exorcism or does your medicine need changed?

A Clockwork Orange at 50?! – are we desensitized to this?  Are these “ultra-violent” times? the Rolling Stones connection?  Listen to On Point with Tom Ashbrook.

Mochi things – iPhone case and wallet.  How many of these cute things can actually exist?  Enter Crown Smartphone Pouch v2

My kindergartener rocks.  She is so intelligent and such a joy to be around.  Well, most of the time . . .

An exercise class is fun.  Here are some cool songs:  Too Close by Alex Clare (have you seen this video?), Hot Chelle Rae’s Tonight Tonight, Rihanna‘s Where Have You Been, Adele’s Rumour Has It, and Deadly Handsome Man by Marcy Playground

Do I need an exorcism or does YOUR medicine just need changed?  Why does it seem like the people on medication really need everyone else to be on more medication just to make sense?

Perfect Fall Football Food

Homemade white chili and salsa

I believe I have found the perfect Fall Football food.  This is good on that cool, Fall day and fairly easy to make.  Here’s all it takes:

White chili

• 2 T. olive oil
• 1 large onion
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 4 cooked chicken breasts, shredded
• 3 – 14.5 oz. cans chicken broth
• 2 cans green chiles
• 2 tsp. ground cumin
• 2 tsp. dried oregano
• 1 1/2 tsp. cayenne
• 2-4 cans of white cannellini beans, undrained
• cheese and sour cream to garnish

The spices really make this soup great and it makes the house smell wonderful.  Also makes great leftovers.

Homemade salsa with Way Better Black Bean chips

• 2 pints grape tomatoes
• garlic to taste
• cillantro to taste
• jalapeno papper to taste

Mix in food processor and chill.  Hotness can be adjusted with jalepenos, of course.

Enjoy!!!

Taming your inner tantrum

Bridge pose

Perhaps this is a normal day for you.  You do all the things you ordinarily do and feel – nothing’s different.  You feel no better.  You feel no worse.  I wonder why?  Living without living is no way to live your life.  I have what I like to call my “inner tantrum”.  When things aren’t going my way and they usually aren’t, my inner tantrum comes out and sometimes I can’t get out of it.  It’s a stuck place where nothing seems to go right and things keep getting worse and worse.  Need I say this is an anxious time for me.

I just finished reading an article in September’s Yoga Journal that is entitled “Untangling Anxiety”.  Of course, I was intrigued to see what a Yoga expert would say about my inner tantrum (anxiety). My anxiety is like a security blanket for me.  I’m so used to it, I believe it has become a comfort.  So, if self-talk won’t help, what do you do?  Perhaps you’ve heard of the “tighten/release” soother for anxiety.  You breathe in as you tighten and squeeze all your muscles and exhale and release the contractions.  This works for some, but not for me so much.  Other ways are dancing or taking a bath to soothe yourself.  These methods also do not work for me.  I carry tension in my shoulders, particularly my right shoulder blade.  What can I do to soothe those muscles and tame that inner tantrum?

What is the difference between anxiety and diligence?  Doesn’t anxiety keep us on our toes and help us not to forget those important things we must do?  Since the “inner tantrum” has become a ritual we cannot seem to get away from we must first admit we have this anxiety and we want to rid ourselves of it.

One day, perhaps, you might notice that what you have perceived as anxiety is, at its core, just pure energy.

Good news!  We have the choice to experience the anxiety as an inner tantrum or excitement such as a feeling of being ready for action.  This energy could begin the growth we so desperately seek.

So to recap:

1. Locate where anxiety is exhibiting in the body;
2. Breathe and center in the heart;
3. What is contributing to the anxiety?;
4. Become aware of the thoughts – Can you let this go?;
5. Tune into the feeling.  Can this feeling also be let go?;
6. Find a feeling of warmth and pleasure – counter the negative with a positive

This practice takes practice and you have to give yourself over to this new way of thinking for the method to possibly work.  I, for one, think I will give it a try.

If you’d like to read the article it is in the September issue of Yoga Journal and written by Sally Kempton, an internationally recognized teacher of meditation and yoga philosophy.  She is also the author of Meditation for the Love of It. Visit her at sallykempton.com.