Fall Asleep in His Arms

As I lay awake

With my head on the pillow

I recount the day and think

about people I know and

have known.  I think about

my many blessings and

how time seals the gap

how it heals the hole

in your middle.

Feeling helpless is a result

of loving so much – the fear

of losing so much.

Pray instead.  Fall asleep in His arms.

As I said in a prior post, thoughts have been swirling around me and the people appear to be acrobats dangling by a thread.  Maybe it’s just me getting older and worrying more about things, but every day brings a new challenge and something else to pray about.  I don’t think there’s been a night this week I haven’t gone to bed “in God‘s arms.”  Falling asleep praying is something I used to feel guilty about, but have since realized we are just tucked safely in His arms.  I wish I could tuck each and every person I’ve heard about over the past several weeks safely in God’s arms, but it is not to be.  Prayer will have to do.

It seems as though terrible tragedies like the storm on the East coast and other people near and far I have encountered seem to be living with serious health problems. I wish I could reach out to each and every person and give just an ounce of encouragement.  I must sit back, as we all do, and leave it to God.  It’s difficult to send your children to school in a world of such uncertainty.  Nothing is certain though is it?

Living Scared

He was alright when I left.

It only happened once.

That’s the diagnosis.

It’s a sickness – a disease

They seem to kick the habit

but it keeps on coming back

It’s a horror.  It’s a sickness

It’s a shame to be so weak.

I have been in deep reflection over the past couple of weeks over several topics.  There are a number of people in trouble swirling around me and they seem to be dangling by a thread.  Let me start by saying I have always been easy to talk to so I have been a sounding board for all types of issues.  Maybe one reason is it’s so easy to get in touch these days with the different types of social media.

Let me first say this topic disgusts me, but I see how some people can make choices and get themselves into situations that are very dangerous.  The choices seem to multiply and before long there seems to be no way out.  I am here to tell you there is a way out.  You may be too proud to admit it but are you or someone close to you living scared?

So let me be blunt.  What is it about men hitting women and pushing them around?  In the last couple of weeks I have been educated on this issue through a girlfriend of an old friend.  It’s a long story, but when women are more concerned about men cheating on them than them hitting them in the face something is desperately wrong.

I am ashamed to admit staying in relationships due to circumstances and maybe this is no different, but this woman is a self-sufficient woman who owns her own home.  He is essentially living there.  No more than a guest.  She’s contemplating marriage if you can believe it.  But she wants to make double sure he’s not cheating on her.  She doesn’t want advice on the hitting part, just if he’s been “hitting on” anyone else.  Couldn’t resist the inappropriate pun.  Can you weigh in on this?  I know she’s not the only one going through this in the world.  What is this behavior about and how do people get to this point?

I decided to “opt out” of the situation and not be involved, even as a sounding board for the woman.  Did I make the right decision?  I did make myself clear the real issue is the violence not the cheating.  How does this story make you feel?

do I need an exorcism or does your medicine need changed?

A Clockwork Orange at 50?! – are we desensitized to this?  Are these “ultra-violent” times? the Rolling Stones connection?  Listen to On Point with Tom Ashbrook.

Mochi things – iPhone case and wallet.  How many of these cute things can actually exist?  Enter Crown Smartphone Pouch v2

My kindergartener rocks.  She is so intelligent and such a joy to be around.  Well, most of the time . . .

An exercise class is fun.  Here are some cool songs:  Too Close by Alex Clare (have you seen this video?), Hot Chelle Rae’s Tonight Tonight, Rihanna‘s Where Have You Been, Adele’s Rumour Has It, and Deadly Handsome Man by Marcy Playground

Do I need an exorcism or does YOUR medicine just need changed?  Why does it seem like the people on medication really need everyone else to be on more medication just to make sense?

Taming your inner tantrum

Bridge pose

Perhaps this is a normal day for you.  You do all the things you ordinarily do and feel – nothing’s different.  You feel no better.  You feel no worse.  I wonder why?  Living without living is no way to live your life.  I have what I like to call my “inner tantrum”.  When things aren’t going my way and they usually aren’t, my inner tantrum comes out and sometimes I can’t get out of it.  It’s a stuck place where nothing seems to go right and things keep getting worse and worse.  Need I say this is an anxious time for me.

I just finished reading an article in September’s Yoga Journal that is entitled “Untangling Anxiety”.  Of course, I was intrigued to see what a Yoga expert would say about my inner tantrum (anxiety). My anxiety is like a security blanket for me.  I’m so used to it, I believe it has become a comfort.  So, if self-talk won’t help, what do you do?  Perhaps you’ve heard of the “tighten/release” soother for anxiety.  You breathe in as you tighten and squeeze all your muscles and exhale and release the contractions.  This works for some, but not for me so much.  Other ways are dancing or taking a bath to soothe yourself.  These methods also do not work for me.  I carry tension in my shoulders, particularly my right shoulder blade.  What can I do to soothe those muscles and tame that inner tantrum?

What is the difference between anxiety and diligence?  Doesn’t anxiety keep us on our toes and help us not to forget those important things we must do?  Since the “inner tantrum” has become a ritual we cannot seem to get away from we must first admit we have this anxiety and we want to rid ourselves of it.

One day, perhaps, you might notice that what you have perceived as anxiety is, at its core, just pure energy.

Good news!  We have the choice to experience the anxiety as an inner tantrum or excitement such as a feeling of being ready for action.  This energy could begin the growth we so desperately seek.

So to recap:

1. Locate where anxiety is exhibiting in the body;
2. Breathe and center in the heart;
3. What is contributing to the anxiety?;
4. Become aware of the thoughts – Can you let this go?;
5. Tune into the feeling.  Can this feeling also be let go?;
6. Find a feeling of warmth and pleasure – counter the negative with a positive

This practice takes practice and you have to give yourself over to this new way of thinking for the method to possibly work.  I, for one, think I will give it a try.

If you’d like to read the article it is in the September issue of Yoga Journal and written by Sally Kempton, an internationally recognized teacher of meditation and yoga philosophy.  She is also the author of Meditation for the Love of It. Visit her at sallykempton.com.

It’s official! I’m a nut!

Why would a seemingly sane middle aged woman who has plenty to do agree to be an assistant soccer coach of 4 and 5 years olds?  Do I have some kind of death wish?  I don’t have patience.  This is a Christian league so it’s not competitive and the goal is not about winning but how you play the game.  I always thought I was a good sport and a Christian who would have no problem with the non-competitive nature of this league.  I now find I am not a very good sport and may need some works, work in the Christian department.  Little slip of the tongue there.

We’ve only had two practices and one game and I’m already looking at the date of the last game and, I might add, doing a lot of praying.  My daughter is having fun (at the moment) and I’m trying to teach her how to be a part of a team.  It seems I don’t have to teach her this lesson; I need to learn it myself.  There is no “out” here.  I can’t quit or come up with some excuse.  I’m in this until October folks.  Please pray for me.  I need all the prayers I can get.

Do you know you can’t say “Oh man!” and “Are you kidding me?” in a Christian soccer league or even with 4 and 5 year olds?  I know it’s a good idea and what the sport should be about at this level, but it’s difficult to restrain myself.  I may end up learning the most in this experiment.  What do you think?  Any similar experiences?

Why I love football and other female confessions

Tom Brady

I stand in my living room and yell for Tim Tebow, Tom Brady, Wes Welker and Mark Sanchez.  I wear the shirts with their numbers and think they play incredible football, but that’s not the only reason I’m watching.  I’m watching for my heath and well-being as well.

My definition of fantasy football:  Choosing players who look great and also play well is the secret to my fantasy football team.  Yes, my team may be entirely made out of Quarterbacks and Wide Receivers, but what is a girl to do?  In short fantasy football is choosing a team that’s not only good, but looks good.  I didn’t say it was mature.

I really do love the game in all seriousness but studies show watching guys half your age run up and down a field in tight pants takes away depression.  I believe that because it happens to me every football season.  So football season begins September 5th.  What will you be doing?  De-stress your life and have depression take a hike while you cheer for your favorite players.

Sites to See Potpourri

Some cool things I have found on my travels . . .

Miniature Artists Books - I love miniatures and books

Elephant with books

Making paper with seeds - good Spring gift

Yoga sleep pose - from the Yoga Journal

Stereomode site - for whatever mood ails you

Tile Coaster DIY from The Cottage Home

The 99% - not the 1%, but the 99%

feel more better – If you want to feel better go here

the jealous curator – speaks for itself

Lists of Note – lists from all walks of life

Let me know what your favorite “go to” site is right now!

Who?, What?, When?, Where?, Why? and How?

Who? – Me

What? – Things I want to do

Where? – Everywhere

When? – ASAP

Why? – Because I think it would make me happy

How? – Pull the trigger and do them

1.  Want to hike on the Appalachian Trail

2.  Want to rock climb or begin rock climbing

3.  Want to skydive out of an airplane

4.  Want to do Pilates with a real Pilates instructor on a Reformer

5.  Want to attend church and Sunday school regularly

6.  Want to join a Contemplative Prayer group

7.  Want to travel everywhere

8.  Get a good attitude full time

9.  Want to become certified fitness trainer or Pilates instructor

10.  Want to own my own book store/art gallery

Here’a my Want list.  What’s are your wants? and why?  I’m sure there are more, but these are what come to mind right now.

introvert intelligence

Have you ever needed a vacation after a vacation? If you have, you may be part of the 1/3 of us who are overlooked introverts. The book entitled Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain is a book written for us. No longer are we looked upon as antisocial or inferior to extroverts. Some popular introvert examples are Warren Buffet, Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg and Mahatma Gandhi. Gandhi – really? Yes – really. Introverts really can have success so it seems.

The reason why I’m writing about this is because I have over-scheduled myself and my daughter this summer. I want her to dabble in everything before Kindergarten and chances are if I “dabble” around too many people, I pay for it later by needing “down time”. A good example was this past weekend. And mind you this type of schedule seems like a “day at the park” for you extroverts. My daughter’s birthday party was Saturday and we had about 60 people give or take at a gymnastics place. Yes, it was fun, but draining for me because I love seeing all the parents, but I am worn out afterward and left with a five year old wanting more, more, more. We had a lot going on last week and on top of everything else a birthday party, meetings, Father’s Day and a Bon Voyage party was just too much.

A popular misconception about introverts is we are shy. That’s really not it, but it can be for some people. For me I prefer solitude and quiet to competing demands for my attention. I prefer solitude to interacting with people, not because I’m antisocial, but because it is more difficult for an me to process all of the information that bombards me in a group setting (i.e. a birthday party, parties in general, etc.). This has NOTHING to do with other people please understand.

We are better than extroverts at some things though. For instance, we are better at absorbing knowledge. We are not smarter, they just have stronger powers of concentration and less temptation to choose social activities over work activities and other responsibilities than do extroverts.

So let’s get this straight. I’m just now figuring this out about myself and accepting the fact I’m not some psychopath. Ten years ago I married a wonderful man with three children. Quiet was not a part of that equation. Everyone said I was nuts. Don’t get me wrong I would never go back, but it is comforting to have the knowledge that I am not crazy and this is just something about myself that I have to accept. I guess I feel more at peace with who I am and my behavior over the years. I thought I was behaving selfishly by needing this “quiet” or “down time” and I am glad to know I have not been – just the opposite – taking care of myself and who I am. Yay!

Feel free to go to Susan Cain’s site and take the Quiet Quiz. It is enlightening. This is a great book I am in the process of reading. As always, please let me know your thoughts and if you’ve read the book or plan to read the book.

Question of the day

If you could only have one beauty item what would it be?