Fall Asleep in His Arms

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As I lay awake

With my head on the pillow

I recount the day and think

about people I know and

have known.  I think about

my many blessings and

how time seals the gap

how it heals the hole

in your middle.

Feeling helpless is a result

of loving so much – the fear

of losing so much.

Pray instead.  Fall asleep in His arms.

As I said in a prior post, thoughts have been swirling around me and the people appear to be acrobats dangling by a thread.  Maybe it’s just me getting older and worrying more about things, but every day brings a new challenge and something else to pray about.  I don’t think there’s been a night this week I haven’t gone to bed “in God‘s arms.”  Falling asleep praying is something I used to feel guilty about, but have since realized we are just tucked safely in His arms.  I wish I could tuck each and every person I’ve heard about over the past several weeks safely in God’s arms, but it is not to be.  Prayer will have to do.

It seems as though terrible tragedies like the storm on the East coast and other people near and far I have encountered seem to be living with serious health problems. I wish I could reach out to each and every person and give just an ounce of encouragement.  I must sit back, as we all do, and leave it to God.  It’s difficult to send your children to school in a world of such uncertainty.  Nothing is certain though is it?

Countdown to Meltdown

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mindless mind trip

running, spinning

out of control

mind mess

need less excess

panicking, sputtering

no body knows

where it will

stop and where

it will go

mind on a free fall

bending, breaking

doing all of this

has my body shaking

mind mush

Meltdown

Living Scared

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He was alright when I left.

It only happened once.

That’s the diagnosis.

It’s a sickness – a disease

They seem to kick the habit

but it keeps on coming back

It’s a horror.  It’s a sickness

It’s a shame to be so weak.

I have been in deep reflection over the past couple of weeks over several topics.  There are a number of people in trouble swirling around me and they seem to be dangling by a thread.  Let me start by saying I have always been easy to talk to so I have been a sounding board for all types of issues.  Maybe one reason is it’s so easy to get in touch these days with the different types of social media.

Let me first say this topic disgusts me, but I see how some people can make choices and get themselves into situations that are very dangerous.  The choices seem to multiply and before long there seems to be no way out.  I am here to tell you there is a way out.  You may be too proud to admit it but are you or someone close to you living scared?

So let me be blunt.  What is it about men hitting women and pushing them around?  In the last couple of weeks I have been educated on this issue through a girlfriend of an old friend.  It’s a long story, but when women are more concerned about men cheating on them than them hitting them in the face something is desperately wrong.

I am ashamed to admit staying in relationships due to circumstances and maybe this is no different, but this woman is a self-sufficient woman who owns her own home.  He is essentially living there.  No more than a guest.  She’s contemplating marriage if you can believe it.  But she wants to make double sure he’s not cheating on her.  She doesn’t want advice on the hitting part, just if he’s been “hitting on” anyone else.  Couldn’t resist the inappropriate pun.  Can you weigh in on this?  I know she’s not the only one going through this in the world.  What is this behavior about and how do people get to this point?

I decided to “opt out” of the situation and not be involved, even as a sounding board for the woman.  Did I make the right decision?  I did make myself clear the real issue is the violence not the cheating.  How does this story make you feel?

do I need an exorcism or does your medicine need changed?

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A Clockwork Orange at 50?! – are we desensitized to this?  Are these “ultra-violent” times? the Rolling Stones connection?  Listen to On Point with Tom Ashbrook.

Mochi thingsiPhone case and wallet.  How many of these cute things can actually exist?  Enter Crown Smartphone Pouch v2

My kindergartener rocks.  She is so intelligent and such a joy to be around.  Well, most of the time . . .

An exercise class is fun.  Here are some cool songs:  Too Close by Alex Clare (have you seen this video?), Hot Chelle Rae’s Tonight Tonight, Rihanna‘s Where Have You Been, Adele’s Rumour Has It, and Deadly Handsome Man by Marcy Playground

Do I need an exorcism or does YOUR medicine just need changed?  Why does it seem like the people on medication really need everyone else to be on more medication just to make sense?

Perfect Fall Football Food

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Homemade white chili and salsa

Homemade white chili and salsa

I believe I have found the perfect Fall Football food.  This is good on that cool, Fall day and fairly easy to make.  Here’s all it takes:

White chili

The spices really make this soup great and it makes the house smell wonderful.  Also makes great leftovers.

Homemade salsa with Way Better Black Bean chips

  • 2 pints grape tomatoes
  • garlic to taste
  • cillantro to taste
  • jalapeno papper to taste

Mix in food processor and chill.  Hotness can be adjusted with jalepenos, of course.

Enjoy!!!

“Am I bait?” said the Betta

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Paranoid Pluto

Paranoid Pluto

Today’s Conversation

Pluto the Betta:  “Uh.  I hate to ask, but are you eating fish?”

Christina:  “Yes.  It’s actually sushi with different kinds of fish.”

Pluto the Betta:  “Why are you eating that stuff?”

Christina:  “It’s good and good for you.  I really like the wasabi.  It’s so spicy!”

Pluto the Betta:  “Is Wasabi the name of the fish?  I mean, my name is Pluto.  Is the sushi’s name Wasabi?”

Christina:  “No.  Wasabi is a yummy green paste you eat with sushi.”

Pluto the Betta:  “Oh.  Say.  If you’re eating fish and I’m a fish – Are you going to eat me?????!!!!????

Christina:  “No.  Don’t be ridiculous.”

Pluto the Betta:  “You’ve got to tell me.  Am I bait or what?”

Christina:  “No.  Don’t worry so much.  You’re being paranoid.”

Pluto the Betta:  “Paranoid!  You call paranoid eating fish and I’m a fish!”

Christina:  “Sorry Pluto.  You got me.  Won’t happen again.   Geez

Taming your inner tantrum

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Bridge pose

Bridge pose

Perhaps this is a normal day for you.  You do all the things you ordinarily do and feel – nothing’s different.  You feel no better.  You feel no worse.  I wonder why?  Living without living is no way to live your life.  I have what I like to call my “inner tantrum”.  When things aren’t going my way and they usually aren’t, my inner tantrum comes out and sometimes I can’t get out of it.  It’s a stuck place where nothing seems to go right and things keep getting worse and worse.  Need I say this is an anxious time for me.

I just finished reading an article in September’s Yoga Journal that is entitled “Untangling Anxiety”.  Of course, I was intrigued to see what a Yoga expert would say about my inner tantrum (anxiety). My anxiety is like a security blanket for me.  I’m so used to it, I believe it has become a comfort.  So, if self-talk won’t help, what do you do?  Perhaps you’ve heard of the “tighten/release” soother for anxiety.  You breathe in as you tighten and squeeze all your muscles and exhale and release the contractions.  This works for some, but not for me so much.  Other ways are dancing or taking a bath to soothe yourself.  These methods also do not work for me.  I carry tension in my shoulders, particularly my right shoulder blade.  What can I do to soothe those muscles and tame that inner tantrum?

What is the difference between anxiety and diligence?  Doesn’t anxiety keep us on our toes and help us not to forget those important things we must do?  Since the “inner tantrum” has become a ritual we cannot seem to get away from we must first admit we have this anxiety and we want to rid ourselves of it.

One day, perhaps, you might notice that what you have perceived as anxiety is, at its core, just pure energy.

Good news!  We have the choice to experience the anxiety as an inner tantrum or excitement such as a feeling of being ready for action.  This energy could begin the growth we so desperately seek.

So to recap:

  1. Locate where anxiety is exhibiting in the body;
  2. Breathe and center in the heart;
  3. What is contributing to the anxiety?;
  4. Become aware of the thoughts – Can you let this go?;
  5. Tune into the feeling.  Can this feeling also be let go?;
  6. Find a feeling of warmth and pleasure – counter the negative with a positive

This practice takes practice and you have to give yourself over to this new way of thinking for the method to possibly work.  I, for one, think I will give it a try.

If you’d like to read the article it is in the September issue of Yoga Journal and written by Sally Kempton, an internationally recognized teacher of meditation and yoga philosophy.  She is also the author of Meditation for the Love of It. Visit her at sallykempton.com.

My Best Friend

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My Best Friend

Grandpa, you’ll be my friend ’til the end.

I hear your name on the wind.

Grandpa, I love you now and I loved you then

I wish things could have been . . .

People used to criticize and scold you.

All I ever wanted to do was hold onto you.

I always felt I could understand you

and even if I couldn’t, I didn’t judge you.

I felt you deserved whatever you wanted.

Even if I did not agree.  It was not me.

I wish you were still here.

I’d tell you I love you more.

If not – what is love really for?

I need to talk to you.

I need to smell your aftershave

when I kiss you goodbye.

That smell is a lullaby.

You taught me how to ride my bike.

We never even had a fight.

You were always there for me.

You tried to teach me right from wrong

and sometimes even a little song.

Is it wrong to feel so sad?

I wouldn’t want you to be mad.

It’s just that when I think of you I well up inside

and feel like I want to hide.

Why aren’t you here when I need you most.

When you’re gone I feel so lost.

It’s official! I’m a nut!

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Why would a seemingly sane middle aged woman who has plenty to do agree to be an assistant soccer coach of 4 and 5 years olds?  Do I have some kind of death wish?  I don’t have patience.  This is a Christian league so it’s not competitive and the goal is not about winning but how you play the game.  I always thought I was a good sport and a Christian who would have no problem with the non-competitive nature of this league.  I now find I am not a very good sport and may need some works, work in the Christian department.  Little slip of the tongue there.

We’ve only had two practices and one game and I’m already looking at the date of the last game and, I might add, doing a lot of praying.  My daughter is having fun (at the moment) and I’m trying to teach her how to be a part of a team.  It seems I don’t have to teach her this lesson; I need to learn it myself.  There is no “out” here.  I can’t quit or come up with some excuse.  I’m in this until October folks.  Please pray for me.  I need all the prayers I can get.

Do you know you can’t say “Oh man!” and “Are you kidding me?” in a Christian soccer league or even with 4 and 5 year olds?  I know it’s a good idea and what the sport should be about at this level, but it’s difficult to restrain myself.  I may end up learning the most in this experiment.  What do you think?  Any similar experiences?

Why I love football and other female confessions

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Tom Brady

Tom Brady

I stand in my living room and yell for Tim Tebow, Tom Brady, Wes Welker and Mark Sanchez.  I wear the shirts with their numbers and think they play incredible football, but that’s not the only reason I’m watching.  I’m watching for my heath and well-being as well.

My definition of fantasy football:  Choosing players who look great and also play well is the secret to my fantasy football team.  Yes, my team may be entirely made out of Quarterbacks and Wide Receivers, but what is a girl to do?  In short fantasy football is choosing a team that’s not only good, but looks good.  I didn’t say it was mature.

I really do love the game in all seriousness but studies show watching guys half your age run up and down a field in tight pants takes away depression.  I believe that because it happens to me every football season.  So football season begins September 5th.  What will you be doing?  De-stress your life and have depression take a hike while you cheer for your favorite players.