want no waiting
guilty guess work
loathing locked in
want no waiting
guilty guess work
loathing locked in
As I lay awake
With my head on the pillow
I recount the day and think
about people I know and
have known. I think about
my many blessings and
how time seals the gap
how it heals the hole
in your middle.
Feeling helpless is a result
of loving so much – the fear
of losing so much.
Pray instead. Fall asleep in His arms.
As I said in a prior post, thoughts have been swirling around me and the people appear to be acrobats dangling by a thread. Maybe it’s just me getting older and worrying more about things, but every day brings a new challenge and something else to pray about. I don’t think there’s been a night this week I haven’t gone to bed “in God‘s arms.” Falling asleep praying is something I used to feel guilty about, but have since realized we are just tucked safely in His arms. I wish I could tuck each and every person I’ve heard about over the past several weeks safely in God’s arms, but it is not to be. Prayer will have to do.
It seems as though terrible tragedies like the storm on the East coast and other people near and far I have encountered seem to be living with serious health problems. I wish I could reach out to each and every person and give just an ounce of encouragement. I must sit back, as we all do, and leave it to God. It’s difficult to send your children to school in a world of such uncertainty. Nothing is certain though is it?
mindless mind trip
out of control
need less excess
no body knows
where it will
stop and where
it will go
mind on a free fall
doing all of this
has my body shaking
He was alright when I left.
It only happened once.
That’s the diagnosis.
It’s a sickness – a disease
They seem to kick the habit
but it keeps on coming back
It’s a horror. It’s a sickness
It’s a shame to be so weak.
I have been in deep reflection over the past couple of weeks over several topics. There are a number of people in trouble swirling around me and they seem to be dangling by a thread. Let me start by saying I have always been easy to talk to so I have been a sounding board for all types of issues. Maybe one reason is it’s so easy to get in touch these days with the different types of social media.
Let me first say this topic disgusts me, but I see how some people can make choices and get themselves into situations that are very dangerous. The choices seem to multiply and before long there seems to be no way out. I am here to tell you there is a way out. You may be too proud to admit it but are you or someone close to you living scared?
So let me be blunt. What is it about men hitting women and pushing them around? In the last couple of weeks I have been educated on this issue through a girlfriend of an old friend. It’s a long story, but when women are more concerned about men cheating on them than them hitting them in the face something is desperately wrong.
I am ashamed to admit staying in relationships due to circumstances and maybe this is no different, but this woman is a self-sufficient woman who owns her own home. He is essentially living there. No more than a guest. She’s contemplating marriage if you can believe it. But she wants to make double sure he’s not cheating on her. She doesn’t want advice on the hitting part, just if he’s been “hitting on” anyone else. Couldn’t resist the inappropriate pun. Can you weigh in on this? I know she’s not the only one going through this in the world. What is this behavior about and how do people get to this point?
I decided to “opt out” of the situation and not be involved, even as a sounding board for the woman. Did I make the right decision? I did make myself clear the real issue is the violence not the cheating. How does this story make you feel?
Perhaps this is a normal day for you. You do all the things you ordinarily do and feel – nothing’s different. You feel no better. You feel no worse. I wonder why? Living without living is no way to live your life. I have what I like to call my “inner tantrum”. When things aren’t going my way and they usually aren’t, my inner tantrum comes out and sometimes I can’t get out of it. It’s a stuck place where nothing seems to go right and things keep getting worse and worse. Need I say this is an anxious time for me.
I just finished reading an article in September’s Yoga Journal that is entitled “Untangling Anxiety”. Of course, I was intrigued to see what a Yoga expert would say about my inner tantrum (anxiety). My anxiety is like a security blanket for me. I’m so used to it, I believe it has become a comfort. So, if self-talk won’t help, what do you do? Perhaps you’ve heard of the “tighten/release” soother for anxiety. You breathe in as you tighten and squeeze all your muscles and exhale and release the contractions. This works for some, but not for me so much. Other ways are dancing or taking a bath to soothe yourself. These methods also do not work for me. I carry tension in my shoulders, particularly my right shoulder blade. What can I do to soothe those muscles and tame that inner tantrum?
What is the difference between anxiety and diligence? Doesn’t anxiety keep us on our toes and help us not to forget those important things we must do? Since the “inner tantrum” has become a ritual we cannot seem to get away from we must first admit we have this anxiety and we want to rid ourselves of it.
One day, perhaps, you might notice that what you have perceived as anxiety is, at its core, just pure energy.
Good news! We have the choice to experience the anxiety as an inner tantrum or excitement such as a feeling of being ready for action. This energy could begin the growth we so desperately seek.
So to recap:
This practice takes practice and you have to give yourself over to this new way of thinking for the method to possibly work. I, for one, think I will give it a try.
If you’d like to read the article it is in the September issue of Yoga Journal and written by Sally Kempton, an internationally recognized teacher of meditation and yoga philosophy. She is also the author of Meditation for the Love of It. Visit her at sallykempton.com.
Who? – Me
What? – Things I want to do
Where? – Everywhere
When? – ASAP
Why? – Because I think it would make me happy
How? – Pull the trigger and do them
1. Want to hike on the Appalachian Trail
2. Want to rock climb or begin rock climbing
3. Want to skydive out of an airplane
4. Want to do Pilates with a real Pilates instructor on a Reformer
5. Want to attend church and Sunday school regularly
6. Want to join a Contemplative Prayer group
7. Want to travel everywhere
8. Get a good attitude full time
9. Want to become certified fitness trainer or Pilates instructor
10. Want to own my own book store/art gallery
Here’a my Want list. What’s are your wants? and why? I’m sure there are more, but these are what come to mind right now.
Here are some cool things I’ve found lately:
Did you know you could make candle holders out of foil cupcake liners? Please don’t use the paper ones for obvious reasons.
Use old buttons for storing earrings. How cool is that?
Is this really supposed to make us feel better? What do you think about this? Cool creation or not so cool?
If you could only have one beauty item what would it be?
We all want strong back muscles. They make us healthy and make our clothes fit better. I found some lower back exercises in a 2010 Real Simple article. I did them today for the first time and they are tough! I have been through a lot of different workouts, weights and exercises, but I am really impressed with these. One reason I’m really impressed is I felt them in all the right places and they weren’t straining. I think I would alternate days, but move at your own pace. Start out with 8-10 reps of each move and work up to 3 sets of 10 of each. I like this because it seems different. You need a 5 lb. dumbbell (adjust for your fitness level) and an empty waste basket. Warm up for 8-10 minutes on the elliptical, running or walking first. I just implemented these into my cardio/weight workout. Use your best judgment. Try all 6 or try one a day. Let me know how it goes.
Move 1: Lunge, Lift and Turn
Start with feet in a staggered position with the right foot forward and place a dumbbell on the ground to the left of the right foot. With your abs contracted, bend both knees into a lunge and, keeping your back flat, pick up the dumbbell with your left hand (top).
Return to a standing position (center). Switch the dumbbell to your right hand as you turn on your toes to face the opposite direction.
With a flat back, lunge with the left leg forward and bend down to place the dumbbell on the right side of the left foot (bottom). Stand up and repeat the action in the other direction for one rep.
Targets: Deep-Back muscles and Obliques, plus leg and hip muscles
Move 2: Twist Squat and Lift
Stand with feet about hip distance apart and place a wastebasket, with a five-pound dumbbell inside it, behind the right foot (top). Twist to the right as you squat down and pick up the wastebasket.
Pushing through your heels, stand up straight and bring the basket to waist level (center).
Twist and squat to place the basket behind the left foot (bottom). Stand back up for one rep.
Targets: Deep-back muscles and obliques, plus quadriceps and glutes.
Move 3: Tiger Push-up
Start with hands and knees on the ground. Sit back on your heels and extend your arms forward into child’s pose (top).
Raise your head and slide your torso forward along the ground, arching your spine and straightening your arms so that they are supporting your weight (bottom). Hold for one to four seconds. Reverse the motion by lowering your chest to the ground, bending your knees and raising your hips, and sliding back into child’s pose.
Targets: Lower-back muscles, plus shoulders and chest.
Move 4: Crunch, Reach and Roll
Lie on your back with legs in the air and knees bent. Lift your head and shoulders into a crunch position, and raise and extend your arms forward (top).
Move your arms straight back, so they are next to your ears, and extend your legs (center).
Roll to the right onto your stomach so you end up in a Superman pose, with shoulders off the floor and legs extended and raised slightly (bottom). Squeeze your shoulder blades together and contract your abs and glutes as you hold for one to four seconds. In a controlled motion, roll back to the starting position, trying not to touch the floor with your hands or feet. Repeat on the left for one rep.
Targets: All major core muscles and glutes.
Move 5: Scorpion Stretch
Lie flat on your stomach with feet together, arms extended outward to form a T, palms facing down, and forehead on the ground (top)
Squeeze your right glute, bend your right knee, and lift your right leg as high as you can (center).
Twist your hips and reach your right foot over to touch the ground on the outside of your left leg (bottom). Try to keep your arms and chest on the floor. Reverse the movement to come to the starting position, then repeat with the left leg for one rep.
Targets: Lower-back muscles, plue abdominals, hamstrings, and glutes.
Move 6: Rotating Plough
Beginning on your back, pull your legs, with knees slightly bent, into your chest. For support, place your hands low on your back near your hips (top).
Gently rock your legs from side to side (bottom). Return to the starting position for one rep.
Targets: Deep-back muscles, plus hamstrings and abs.
“Mommy It’s not dark yet.
Mommy I’m not tired.
I don’t need to sleep.
I promise you won’t hear a peep.”
I say, “Some children are in bed by eight.”
“No. Mom. I want to wait!
Too much is going on.”
She says as she gives a yawn.
“That wasn’t a yawn.
It was just opening my mouth.
In the South it is one hour earlier.
I could stay up even longer
there would probably be reasons
why I couldn’t stay up then
The baby girl finally relents
and turns out the flashlight
and says “I’ve dog-eared my page
and I’ll read more tomorrow.”
I know it won’t be tomorrow
as much as it will be “tomorrow”
NIGHT when we’ll start this
all over again. And so it